Falling Story

As do many others, I normally associate Fall with the death of Summer and the onset of cold weather. This year however, I'm seeing it like a rebirth, a rebirth of my life as a woman.

Sadly I have lost many years of my life to a bad marriage. I won't harp on that however, it's not worth allowing thoughts of it back into my life & it's amazing how fast you can forget something or someone when you set your mind to it. It's only been in the past few weeks though, that I've realized, it's okay to give myself permission to move on.

I spent a large portion of my life being held back by unreal boundaries. Silly outdated Christian ideals, morals based not in fact but in fairy tale, & maybe even some fear of not fitting in with those who surround me in this small southern town, have long held me back from embracing who I really am. All of this is about to change.

This Fall I am becoming a new woman. I will no longer dabble or hang around at the edges. I will no longer play her on the internet. I will in fact be her in real life. I'm going to leave my house, consider moving to a more progressive area (& staying there this time) & I'm going to do the things I fantasize about & read about. I am about to be reborn.

The people around me will have to accept this, or get out of my way because it's going to happen. I can't be a cookie baking Mommy, I tried it & it didn't work. Cookie baking Mommy can be a small part of who I am, but only a very small part. I'm not happy as her & if I'm not happy, those who depend on me won't be happy either.

It's been easy for me to say this, but it's going to be harder for me to pull it off. My desire for tangible things has now outweighed my need to be creative. There is nothing that can be accomplished if you don't stop thinking about what you want to do or what you should do, but there is much to be accomplished by getting out there & actually trying it. I'm not the least bit worried about failing. I'm only worried about how long it's going to take to get it done.